This is probably my first post in 40 days where I truly feel like I've got nothing. It has been a tumultuous 24 hours of stress and relief and self-awareness and emotional over stimulation. The work thing that I had to do to serve the biggest cheeses was a raving success. It went past the point of self-affirmation and drifted into adulation. Not an exaggeration, it was a clear affirmation that I still have all the work related skills that I've always had in relation to building and creating. People are fighting over themselves to tell me how awesome I am. I am somewhat ambivalent but still very proud of what we've accomplished, my little team of skunks. I'll leave the dilemma I am faced with as an outcome of this success for another day.
I had my T app't today and it went very well, I didn't walk out with my emotional being oozing and bleeding from being rubbed raw. I am tired, and very emotionally drained from the last part of my day, but I am very pleased with how it went. Suffice to say that I have some real work to do in the lines of Sir Oedipus, and some concepts to grasp and internalize there. It rings very true, what we talked about there and I am grateful as hell for that. We also talked about forgiving myself a bit. Not a strength, and something I am also eager to learn more about and try to give myself a bit of a break on things, and see about healing.
Last part of the day, the SO and I went to an Open Al-Anon meeting where a friend of the SO was giving her first talk. It was emotionally wrenching. Her story has a lot of the elements of mine, but also a lot of her own unique horror. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I am feeling so over stimulated. Adding to it is that this friend was also very cold to me afterward, in light of what's happened. I am not upset at her, in fact I think it is pretty damn cool that she loves my SO so much as to take up for her, but it still stings me. It'll be ok, I know she'll be ok with me, but at the time I was feeling a real connection, like only the horrifically abused can, and that hit me a bit.
With that, I am souped out. Nothing left in the cauldron. Adieu.
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