Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Holding Ace, Jack Showing

So, first and foremost, I did it.  I did it, I did it, I did it.  This is post 21.  Some surely intelligent person decided that 21 days was the required number of consecutive days you need to do something in order for it to be a habit.  So I did it.  21 days, of which at least 10 I didn't feel like doing it at all.  But, at the outset of the culmination of the debacle I've caused, I promised I would do little things to change my actions and behaviors.  Committing to something and actually sticking with it, through the pain of whatever I am feeling, not accepting an excuse to let myself down, being accountable to the one person I've consistently cheated out of decency (that would be me), well, I was earnest in my promise to myself.  So, that's pretty good, I think.  :)

I am sick today, picked up some kinda bug that's really taken a toll on my body and respiratory system.  I'll make it, just highlights that I have tried to keep going, unlike other setbacks where I'd lie in bed, figuratively and literally and wallow in my own emotional filth.  I still feel awful, just don't feel nearly as awful as I've felt before, where I pile on the physical with the emotional beating.  Better days.  

I am really feeling the whole having grown up in a crazy, dysfunctional home and having become somewhat crazy and pretty dysfunction.  Read a good blog post on the general topic that made me stop and think.  I am enjoying the whole stop and think thing.  Had a great argument with a more junior colleague at work today about hockey and I found myself applying many of the things I've learned going to Al-Anon, about listening and validating others, not having the goal be that we agreed, or better yet that he agreed with my viewpoint.  It was good practice for the real world. 

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