When you are going through hell, the best bet is to just keep going...
Thursday, January 20, 2011
A Few Drops of Desperation
So, welcome to my nightmare. It isn't much, but I like to call it home. Make yourself comfortable, a beverage perhaps? Some snacks?
My pithy, occasionally ironic writing stylings aside, this is my vainglorious attempt to start down a path I've needed to travel for quite a while. I've come to the proverbial end of the line. No, no, no, not THAT end of the line, though I've been there a time or twelve, but instead the end of the line where I just am not going to continue living this way. It just isn't working and I am beyond misery. So whether anyone reads this or not, I don't think I care, because I am attempting, in utter desperation to be candid, to change my outlook, one tiny, itsy-bitsy step at a time. Writing has brought some comfort in the past, particularly in letters and emails, so I am picking up the gambit, to mix my metaphors and am going to try to write for 21 days.
I am tired of feeling dead inside. I am tired of fighting the Black Dog and self-medicating and lying and living double and triple lives. I am gassed. It takes more effort to raise my head from the pillow everyday than anything else I do. I want this to stop. I am committed, like only someone who's seen the Gates of Hell can be, to getting out of this. I am not delusional, I don't expect it to be better in 21 days, but I am going to keep moving forward.
Welcome to Day 1