And I Ran... I Ran so Far Way, Couldn't Get Away...

It the best of days, it was the worst of days... 

So, I had a nasty headache all day.  Sinus pressure, dropping barometer, and eating ice cream before bed, a wonderful cocktail for a lack of sleep and a crushing vice on my cerebellum.  I had to crawl back in bed a couple of times, and it helped.  There really wasn't much I could do, and I was so grumpy with the family that I had to do something.  Actually not beating myself up too bad for taking a bit of time for myself is a smidgen of progress.  Not perfect, but I am trying.  At the end of the day, I was able to do things with the kids and enjoy their company, so I am on the uptick there.  

I really am appreciating my wife's serenity in light of all the mess I've created with my behavior. I don't think that I'd have had any hope if it were not for that.   I don't mean in the "working things out" kinda way, I mean more in the hope to ever have a functional life kinda way.  It really is a gift that she is the most sane of us two, something that I am not sure I could have said a few years back.  She's really wonderful, and rather attractive, so I am doubly lucky.  

I attended an Al-Anon meeting tonight, somewhere that I am expecting to become somewhat of a habit for me on the Sabbath.   I actually shared a bit, and didn't just try to be passive.  One of my great challenges is in listening and not trying to just blurt out what someone should do in the situation they are describing.  I don't actually ever blurt anything out, I just know that it isn't healthy for me to be listening to solve their problem, and not just listening to let them feel heard.  It is a subtle change, but one I know is for my betterment.  The "rules" in the meetings are good for me, because I don't normally respect rules, as I know they don't need to apply to special old me.  

So, my title matches what I intended to blog, but I didn't, but I don't feel like conjuring up another one, so my deepest apologies.  This is the halfway point to my commitment to blogging for 21 days about my depression, my hurt and my attempt at recovery.  I've already met some very wonderful people online in the little journey, something I am deeply grateful for. I started this with the intent of keeping in private, but knowing that I wouldn't be nearly as accountable to myself, to others if I did.  I am striving to be something here, that I rarely am, and that is honest.